Being married to an alcoholic is so fucking lonely

I miss cuddling, watching movies and just fucking having romantic time with my husband! Being married to an alcoholic is so fucking lonely. Its weird because my husband is always around, just in a different room drinking by himself. I am usually in the other room watching movies by myself. I cant stand hanging out with him when he drinks. Most of the time, I am fine and am use to being alone and married. Then there are times like these….Where I am just so fucking lonely. Tonight my alcoholic went to bed early. I guess he had enough to drink and decided there was nothing else to do, but go to sleep. In a way I am enjoying the peace and quiet, but it is also times like this, when I get depressed. I am reminded that I am married to an alcoholic, who will ALWAYS put drinking first. Who doesn’t mind being alone. Who is fucking selfish. Who would rather put my home cooked meals in the microwave “for later” while he continues to drink. Fuck, I would like to go out to eat for once or go see a fucking movie, like a normal couple. Everyone else my age has date nights with their husbands. The only date nights I have are with my dog and HGTV. I really feel like beer is “The other woman” in our relationship. I am pretty sure the only way he would pay more attention to me, is if I poured beer all over myself. I take that back, he would probably just be pissed that I wasted his beer….